Metal Gear Touhou
by Nicktendonick
Summary: A Touhou Story. Kagyua and Mokou fall in love with the Metal Gear series and decide to play a real life game of "Metal gear" with the rest of the touhou cast.   Can Solid Kagyua stop Liquid Mokou from launching her "Metal Gear" and destroying Gensokyo?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – The Madness Begins**

* * *

><p>Emerging from a forest of bamboo sticks, a young woman with extremely long white hair walked out. She wore long dark red overall pants covered with paper charms, and a recently cleaned white shirt.<p>

The immortal phoenix girl Fujiwara no Mokou had reached her destination

Mokou took a deep breath.

"Comeon, you can do this." She said to herself.

Mokou was about to enter the belly of the beast. Infront of her stood Eientei, the house of eternity. Home to her fellow immortal, eternal rival, and bitter enemy, Kagyua Houraisan.

She walked up to the huge home that was Eientei. She stopped and took another deep breath.

Over all these centuries, this was about one of the weirdest things to happen to her in a very long time. She hoped this would be last time she had to do this. Of course, that's what she told herself the previous time she had to do this, but fate conspired to prove otherwise. Mokou mumbled to herself that if there was a god of fate, she'd find her, beat the tar out of her, and make sure this never happens again.

Mokou walked up to the front door and instead of kicking it down with a hell-born rage as always, she did the unthinkable.

She knocked.

It took a minute, but someone eventually answered the door.

A small red eyed girl in a pink dress walked opened the door. Unlike other small and human little girls, she had floppy ears. This was Tewi Inaba, the youkai rabbit of fortune.

Tewi had a carefree look on her face until she saw who was on the other side of the door. Actually, she really never expected to even see this person so close without everything being destroyed behind her.

The girls exchanged an awkward look before Mokou broke the silence.

"Ummm…" Mokou said. "Can Kagyua come out to die?"

Again, Tewi said nothing. She took a deep breath.

"One moment please" Said the rabbit before flicking a switch and slamming the door shut.

"Udonge! It's for you" Mokou heard Tewi yell from the other side of the door.

"Don't call me that!" Mokou heard.

"Fine fine Reisen, I gotta go hit the outhouse. I'll be back in a few." She heard Tewi's voice say.

Mokou just waited outside. Mokou was immortal after all, she had all eternity. It's not like she was going to die anytime soon.

She saw the door handle begin to turn, but as soon as she did, she saw the doorknob spark.

"AHH!" She heard the voice of Reisen cry.

"Got-ya!" Mokou heard before the laughing voice faded away.

"DAMNIT TEWI!" Reisen yelled.

After a moment, Mokou heard the same switch that Tewi switch again.

"Ahhh…damn it all." She heard Reisen. "Stupid security. It's not like it'd stop anything anyway."

Reisen opened the door and began to mumble to herself.

"First the princess, now this…At least my day can't get any wor….

Reisen's jaw dropped.

"…rse"

The purple haired rabbit youkai girl who who looked like a office worker stood motionless in pure shock as to who stood infront of her.

The immortal enemy of her mistress, and of her master stood infront of her.

Reisen stood there motionless

"Um…hi?" Mokou asked.

Reisen slowly reached for the doorknob.

"Is Kagyua there?" She asked.

Reisen slowly closed the door infront of Mokou

As strange as this might seem, this might have been the best thing that's happened to her all day, and possibility a source to the past month's problem.

"CODE RED! CODE RED! MOKOU HAS REACHED THE PREMISIS!" Mokou heard her scream. "CODE RED! CODE RED!"

Of course, this is Reisen we're talking about.

The Youkai rabbit flailed around the huge home screaming on the top of her lungs in a panic. She left the welcoming room screaming her warning, and fled to someplace else (this, she was a pro at).

Mokou took the initiate and opened the door herself. With noone in the room, she walked into the house of Eternity. Mokou took a look at her surroundings.

"This place always looks good everytime I stop by" Mokou said under her breath. Usually, Mokou never has the chance to take in the sights of her rival's home, with how she regularly sets fire to it.

Mokou turned and noticed that was about to get company. She herd footsteps, lots of them. And then…silence.

One of the doors blew open and Reisen popped out holding a gigantic white railgun weapon on her person. A single strap was wrapped around it and her shoulder to keep the giant weapon in place.

Reisen's commrads soon followed and Reisen's fellow Youkai rabbits all burst out of the other doors, surrounding Mokou and ready to battle.

"EAT THE ANTI MOKOU LASER!" She shouted as the weapon charged up.

"…"

Mokou sighed. This was going to be one of those days…

* * *

><p>-Approximately 2 minutes, 32 seconds, and 41…42 miliseconds later-<p>

* * *

><p>Mokou sat upon a pile of chargrilled youkai rabbit girls. On top of them was Reisen, whose rear was used by Mokou as her butt cushion.<p>

"I'm terribly sorry for this…" Said a woman near Mokou's bunny pile. She looked much more elegant then the rabbit youkai, and clearly was not one of them. She wore clothes that were blue on one half and red on the other.

"No biggie Erin." Said Mokou, as the immortal phoenix girl pulled an arrow out from her chest "It's been a while since I actually fought someone other then that princess of yours."

Mokou dropped the arrow amongst the twenty something arrows that were on the floor.

"Though…I didn't expect it to end that…way." Mokou said.

The pile of cute bunny girls began to speak.

"Told ya you shouldn't have used that Reisen." One of the rabbit girls said.

"And I told you to fix that thing before we needed it again." Reisen responded.

"And I told you it wasn't ready to use yet." Said the unnamed Rabbit "But does anybody listen to the rabbit who helped build it? Nooooo. Just ignore me and yell at me when it all blows up in your face. And in this case, all our collective faces."

"Oh shut up." Complained another rabbit "The Anti-Mokou Laser never works for us when we actually need it. Tewi's the only one lucky enough not to have that thing blow up in their face."

"That's because you girls keep on using it before I'm able to fix it completely! And seriously, do you all really need that thing to go hunting?"

"And I seriously can't believe you're saying we shouldn't use a railgun to hunt for food. It's awesome!"

"It's stupid!"

"Comon, you're one of us. We're unnamed characters in a shooter series, you know we can't hit squat! We need something overpowered."

"Yea, really, really overpowered."

Mokou gave the pile a little kick with her heel.

"Please stop." Mokou said deadpanned.

"Yes maam" the rabbits said in both unison and fear.

"Now Mokou, what brings you to our home? It's rare to find you here without…well.." Erin said before a Youkai rabbit finished her sentence.

"Without the entire manor being consumed by the burning fires of a phoenix girl's rage?" Quipped a Youkai rabbit.

Mokou kicked the pile again.

"Yes, something like that" Erin said with a welcoming smile.

"It's about the princess." Mokou started "That NEET of yours hasn't tried to kill me for over a month now. I know we usually just have our battles to the death every week or two now, but she's been absent for way too long. I haven't even seen her outside since her birthday. I've looked all around to and I haven't seen any traces of her. Even that annoying Tengu hasn't seen her. I'm actually starting to get worried now."

"Yes…ever since her birthday last month she…she's been…isolated." Erin said.

"I'm not sure if I like the sound of that" Mokou said, now seriously wondering what her eternal rival was up to.

"Come this way please. You might be the solution we've been looking for" She said, before inviting the rival of her mistress deeper into their home.

"This better not be a trap." Mokou said.

"Nah, you know they pulled that already on you." Said Tewi as she walked into the room. "The princess isn't unoriginal like that. She'd find something new."

"It's about time you came back." Moaned Reisen as Mokou hopped of her tush. "You picked a good time to bail."

"I only learn from the best Reisen." Tewi said as she hid a great big grin

"So, what'd I miss?"

* * *

><p>-A few minutes later-<p>

* * *

><p>Mokou walked down with the residents of Eientei, and by that we mean the only named characters here. Reisen, Tewi, and Erin.<p>

"It all started a month ago" said Reisen, who was now recovered from her injuries.

"Yea, I remember that birthday quite well" Tewi said "Hell of a time"

"Yes, yes, we all have fun…" Reisen said. "Anyway, it was at the princess's birthday party. She had received a very large and very strange gift. None of us understood what it was until we got that shrine maiden from the mountains to identify it for us."

"So, what was the gift?" Mokou asked.

"A giant television, and a group of videogames." Reisen answered.

"I've herd of that television thing, but what's a videogame?" Mokou asked.

"Something people waste their lives on, playing over and over and obsessing over it." Reisen said.

"It's a form of simulated entertainment." Erin said "You know those movie things right? Think one of those, but you use a controlling device to control the main character."

"So instead of watching a movie, you more or less make one?" Mokou said.

"Something like that" Reisen answered.

"We use to have them on the Moon." Erin said before giving a sigh and reliving memories. "Ahhhh, Earth invaders was always my favorite."

Reisen then continued. "We couldn't figure out who sent the gift. All it said was…

"To Princess Kagyua Houraisan, from your two biggest fans."

It was Erin's turn to talk. "…It was addressed to the princess, but we had no clue who it was. After we made sure it was safe, the princess asked me to assemble it and make it work. So I assembled it and set it up for the princess to play these videogames."

"And that was our big mistake" Tewi added.

Erin spoke. "At first we thought it was just her spending a lot of time playing with a new toy. But…she's become addicted to it, it's the worse we've ever seen her. She hasn't left her room or ate since she started playing and with her immortality, she has no need to ever leave."

"We tried to get her out by force, but she's now forbidden us from interfering." Said Tewi

"I see. So you want someone to snap her out of this and get your princess back?" Mokou asked.

"Yes." Erin nodded.

Mokou tilted her head a bit "And why should I?" she said.

Erin smirked "Can you remind me why you came here today?"

Mokou stopped.

"Touche." Mokou said, defeated by the medic. "Yea, I'll take care of this for you."

"And we'd wish you didn't mention this conversation." Erin added.

"Of course" Said Mokou with a nod.

They had made it to Kagyua's door. Behind it, was the eternal rival of Mokou. Who currently, cared more for the videogame infront of her then the outside world.

Erin knocked on the sliding door.

"Princess? We have someone to visit you." Erin said out to the door.

No response.

Erin knocked some more.

"Princess, are you there?" She asked

"Of…course, but I'm…in the middl….GAH!"

"PRINCESS!" Yelled Erin. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine I'm fine… darn it…I was so close."

They herd the princess sigh.

"Another game over… Ok, yeah, send whoever it is in."

"You might need this." Erin said handing Mokou a steel baseball bat covered with spikes.

"Um…just this?" Mokou said, dazed at the simplicity of this weapon from a genius like Erin.

The spiked bat turned red and sparked with electricity.

"It's nuclear powered." Erin answered.

"Me likey. Thanks" Mokou said as she gave it a practice swing.

"I'll be sure to make good use of this." Mokou said with homicidal intent in her words.

"Just remember what we talked about" Erin said, giving Mokou distance.

Mokou slid open the door, and made her way inside. She slammed the door behind her and locked it. What she planned to do next was something she did not want to be interrupted with.

Inside she saw her target. Her enemy. And saw her head as a baseball about to get home-run'd.

Princess Kagyua laid down on a bean bag, in the dark room, with only the light of a television illuminating the room.

"What ya do'in?" Mokou said sweetly with a homicidal grin on her face. Her hands on the spiked bat, ready to unleash hell on the unsuspecting bubbly princess.

Kagyua got up from the beanbag she had been laying down on.

Princess Kagyua wore wearing nothing but t-shirt and a pair of pants with frilly ends.

Not what a princess would wear.

Not something that Kagyua would ever wear.

Mokou was taken a bit back at the change in character, but would not let it get her. She had unlimited time with the princess's own servants' blessings to cause as much destruction to her nemesis as possible. Mokou was not going to let this chance pass. Hell would freeze over before she would pass up this opportunity

On her forehead, Kagyua put on a simple dark green bandana, giving it a tight pull to fix it on her forehead.

She turned to Mokou, and said just one thing.

"I'm playing Metal Gear Solid!"

* * *

><p>Do-do-do-dodo<p>

Doooo-do-do-dodo

SHHHHH

**Metal Gear Touho**

A crackfic by Nicktendonick

* * *

><p>-Three hours later-<p>

* * *

><p>Reisen and Tewi came back to Kagyua's door to check up on the situation.<p>

"Any progress Erin?" Tewi asked.

Erin hadn't left the door, and she had waited from the other side.

"No. There was a loud commotion at first…but it's gone silent..." She said.

"What the heck are those two doing in there?" Reisen asked

"No idea. I can't hear through it unless there's something loud." Erin answered.

"Those two better not be making out." Bemoaned Tewi, who was crossing her arms.

Erin and Reisen looked at her.

"I am not losing the house pool to those other rabbits." She said.

Erin and Reisen glared at her.

"Erin?"

"Erin...!" yelled a voice from inside the NEET's room.

This is what Erin was waiting for.

"Yes Princess?" Erin said with a somewhat odd glee.

"Yes, we need you to get something for us."

Erin shot up out of her chair. This is what she had been waiting for. To drag her away from this cursed addicting videogame an-

"Wait…we?" Erin thought outloud.

The sliding door opened. Both Mokou and Kagyua's heads popped out from the sliding door.

Both wore two green bandanas.

"Yea" Mokou said. "We need you to get us Metal Gear Solid: Philanthropy for us."

Erin was speechless.

"What?" Erin said with shock.

Kagyua tilted her head and sighed like a teenager. "Metal Gear Solid Philanthropy. It's a fan movie made from this series. My birthday gift apologized that they couldn't include the movie and Mokou and I really want to see it. We need you to get it for us"

Tewi, Erin, and Reisen's jaws collectively dropped.

"Ex-Ex- Excuse me?" Erin said again with shock.

"There's no way we can do that." Tewi said.

"We really want that movie!" Mokou said like a kid.

Reisen tried to reason with them. "Bu-But, this is Gensokyo, we don't have that technology stuff he-"

"I know that. You three cross over the border, go to the outside world, get on a computer, download Philanthropy, burn it to a disk, and then bring it back here for us to watch! Mokou should be done with all four main games by the time you're back. It'll be awesome!"

"Yea!" Mokou tacked on, her's eyes held exactly the same sentiment as Kagyua.

"Princess…maybe you two should stop playin-"

"She's the princess! So you all have to do what she wants right? She wants that movie, So go get her that movie!" Demanded Mokou

Mokou pulled out the metal spikey nuclear powered bat that Erin had given him.

"Do as she commands!" Mokou yelled shaking it to terrorize the doctor and the bunnies.

Kagyua took a liking to that bat.

"Oooooh, can I try that?" She asked.

"Of course." Mokou said, handing the princess the very bat that was intended to crush her.

Kagyua waved the bat wildly.

"Yea! Do what I command and get us that movie!" Kagyua yelled.

Both girls retreated, slamming the sliding door and closing themselves off from the world and leaving Reisen, Tewi, and Erin alone again.

All three were motionless for a entire minute. None of them could believe what had just happened. Two mortal enemies who have been fighting eachother for 1400 years and no end in sight…and now…they were acting friendly towards eachother?

"…"

"…"

"…"

Erin turned and looked at the rabbits next to her.

"What the hell just happened?" She said in disbelief

Her apprentice was the exact same. "Master…I have no idea…"

"Great." Tewi bemoaned "Now there's two of them."

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1 – End<strong>


	2. Medicine's Melancholy

Chapter 2 - Medicine's Melancholy

* * *

><p>All three girls had collapsed.<p>

Eirin, Tewi, and Reisen had collapsed in the bamboo forest.

"Dear...god..." Tewi said, laying headfirst on the ground, paralyzed

"We were so close too... I... almost home...unhurt..." Muttered Eirin with the last of her strength

It was a remarkable journey, one that truly could have been it's own story if this author wasn't so lazy.  
>The battle, the struggle. The long journey, the friends made and companions lost. All for the sake of their beloved princess's happiness<p>

The heroic purple haired moon rabbit mustered up enough strength to speak.

"Why did they think I was a cosplayer?"

...

...nevermind.

"Because you always look like one?" grumbled Tewi as she laid incapacitated on the floor like her comrades "They think you're a hot girl who looks like bunny and wearing a suit. It's like what, the fetish of how many loser otaku?"

Through the forest of bamboo shoots, a young youkai appeared. A youkai that looked like a doll came out holding a jar. Medicine Melancholy was her name. Her doll-like appearance was accurate actually.

Medicine Melancholy in-fact use to be a doll. A century ago a doll was abandoned inside a field of poisonous flowers and forgotten about. As per Japanese legends say things abandoned and forgotten for about 100 years become Youkai. That Youkai became the poisonous doll youkai with the incredibly ironic name, Medicine Melancholy.

One might question how a used doll abandoned in a field of poisonous flowers would actually survive for a century without decaying and falling apart like things should when exposed to the elements, the sands of time, and butt-loads of poison...

...But hey in Gensokyo, common sense only holds you back.

Reisen's a fine example of that, grabbing Medicine, her master, and her "friend" all into a group hug, and a few seconds later on the ground poisoned.  
>Which then led the doll Youkai to retrieve the medicine to cure the three touhou bosses. By which we mean going all the way to their home, finishing their job, and coming back.<p>

The moral of a story? hugging an adorable poisonous doll is not good for your health.  
>Even if she very much wants to give you a "welcome-back-the-princess-has-been-driving-me-cra zy" hug<p>

...

...Yea.

Medicine sighed as she jammed the contents of something labeled "Generic Antidote" into Reisen's mouth, and then to the rest of her fellow Etenti-ians. Instantly, after it went down the sage of the moon, the bunny-girl of the moon and hare of the earth all hopped back on their feet, the three perfectly fine.

"Thanks Medicine!" Reisen said, brushing off her tattered, otaku-attacked clothing.

"And thank you for delivering the video for us" Eirin said gracefully, giving a thankful quick bow.

The girls then spent a minute collecting themselves, a silence which Tewi soon broke.

"Yo Medi, why'd she make us wait? We were on the ground for over an hour." Tewi said.

Medicine pushed two of her fingers together.

"Ummmm..."

They didn't like it already.

"...aaaannnndddd..." poked Tewi with her hand circling, signaling her to go on.

"I asked Miss Mika and Miss Midori to go deliver the antidote, but they said "not until the boss gives us the go signal", or something like that. I went to go do it myself, but the princess then dragged me off before I could ask anyone else."

"What the heck did she want?" Tewi, the annoyed rabbit said.

"She um, wanted me to watch it with her." Medicine said, averting their gazes.

The girls sighed. It sounded like something Kagyua would do.

"Yea, um, they...um...forced me to watch it with them and um...it was like um...really terrible. The Men totally weren't hot beefcakes." Said the terrible lying youkai doll.

"I like...um..." Medicine blinked twice, avoiding eye contact and pushing those fingers together, "hated every second."

They might have bought the terrible lie (Spoiler alert: they didn't), if it wasn't for the little headband in her pocket.

Tewi sighed. _"Great"_ She went in her mind. _"Now we have three."  
><em>This infection had to stop. She was going to take that nuclear-powered bat to that stuff herself.

Or take the anti-mokou laser to it.

Tewi smiled, thinking about the railgun once again.  
>She loved that railgun, laser, whatever gun. Tewi cared not if firing it is considered a war-crime. Something that made a blast like that was to her a match made in heaven (andor hell).

Tewi's mind wandered off to her holding the weapon, climbing upon a pile of her charred enemies remains, charging it up and firing one of it's powerful shots, hitting it's next victim turning them to ash, a loud exploding explosion roaring thought the shot radius, wind kicking up and sending everyone's skirts upward, ending with evil warlord Tewi laughing manically as she blasted her fleeing enemies to kingdom come.

Tewi blinked.

She came to a realization. That explosion wasn't fantasy.

Looking to her side, she saw Eirin inside a crater, covered in soot. Reisen's eyes were jarred open, standing, half of her covered in soot.

Medicine too was frozen in shock, and dirty too.

Tewi on the other hand was perfectly unharmed, not a single piece of soot was on her white dress, or her floppy bunny ears. Reisen made a very good shield.

Suzu-chan pulled out a sign that said "ouch"

"You can say that again sista." Tewi muttered under her breath seeing the situation.

Medicine muttered to herself, "Where did that come from?"

* * *

><p>Flames burned inside Etenti.<p>

The room was dark. All that could be seen was the burning flames scattered around the room, along with conveniently placed boxes laid around, giving the two combatants inside this room cover.

"Giving up already?"

"Liquid!" Said a female voice "I won't let you win"

"Oh-ho Brother, can't you see Snake, I've already won! It's just a matter of me taking back my birthright from you!"

From behind one of those conveniently placed boxes Kagyua began to rise up from her cover. A Saishi wrap around her chest, Kagyua was wearing nothing but military pants holding the "anti-mokou laser"

By which we mean a pair of bunny girls struggling to hold the railgun up, because holding moderately heavy things is unbecoming of a princess.

From somewhere, she pulled out the nuclear powered bat from earlier.

"I already have the key to power the machine," Liquid Kagyua flaunted triumphantly to her enemy.

"All you need to do...IS DIE!"

...

...

Kagyua leaned towards the bunny girls holding her superweapon

"Psst, girls, fire it"

The bunny girls gulped at the order before one of them pulled the fateful trigger.

From the outside, one could see a pair of Mokou-tier explosions explode inside Etenti, blasting another large hole inside the home. From the faintest eye one could see two little dots being ejected from the side of the attic as on the opposite end a fateful blast of energy was fired the way of Kagyua's mentor.

Going back to inside Etenti's attic (or more accurately what was left of it), the place was even more wrecked then it was before.

As Kagyua respawned she checked her surrounds since her self-induced death, noticing that Solid Mokou was nowhere to be seen, as well less killable youkai rabbits who too where nowhere to be seen.

Looking behind her, she saw a pair of holes in the shape of youkai bunnies.

Kagyua pouted and crossed her arms.

"Awww, why'd you two run away?" She said

Liquid Kagyua looked to Solid Mokou's position and saw her cigarette smoke rise up behind more boxes.

"They didn't run away, they were blasted out doufus." Liquid Kagyua herd Solid Mokou say.

Kagyua drew her handgun to take on her "brother"

By which we mean making a pretend gun shape with her hand, and imaginably cocking it back with a vocal snap

There was another audible gun click to her head.

Her eyes darting to her side, Liquid Kagyua turned to see Solid Mokou, her finger gun pointing at Liquid Kagyua's head.

"You're a terrible shot."

With a single danmaku blast, Solid Mokou headshotted Liquid Kagyua to the floor, the energy bullet knocking the totally evil terrorist to the floor.

No blood leaked from the "slain" terrorist Kagyua, her uprising now crushed, and the day all saved.

All the heroic Solid Mokou could do was smirk.

"And That's how you make a shot"  
>She blew her "hand"gun's barrel<p>

And by the second chapter of this tale, this story had finally reached ...

the end...

...

...

"Oh Mokou-tan, Mokou-tan how'd you do that?"

Oh Damn it.

"I can throw my voice" Mokou exclaimed "You pick it up when you're walking the earth"

"Like those totally unexplained phoenix powers?" Kagyua exclaimed laying on the floor, still totally "dead".

"Something like that" Mokou answered non-chalantly

Kagyua floated upwards back on her feet.

"So, let's begin the next round!" she exclaimed.

"I won, so I'll be Liquid this time" Mokou said with joy, ready to take on the world (or more precisely, her rival)

Kagyua shook her head. "Uh-nah, I'm Liquid again"

She took a step back making a what? pose. "Again? You've been Liquid twice now. It's my turn to be the villain!"

"No, it's my house, so my rules. Besides, I know my house better then anyone else." Replied the princess.

Before Mokou replied back Kagyua injected her again.

"And Besides again, where are you going to get your disposable worthless minions?" Kagyua said with a shrug, sending a shiver of fear through the cleaning youkai bunnies who were next on the cutting block.

"And Besides again once more, I make a really good villain!" Said the heroic princess with unordinary gusto.

Her princess's pride began swelling up as she crossed her arms giving a short evil gloat before speaking again.

"I make a really good villain. I have plenty of disposal minions at my disposal, quirky and stronger yet equally disposal minions whom my foes can trample through, I'm really good at ordering people around and I have a really good evil laugh!"

And so, she did. Laughing evilly like a sinister noble meets a pre-teen girl, a laugh that was more amusing then evil to a sane man's ear.

But when Mokou herd Kagyua's "Evil" laugh she saw Mokou's reaction turned to fear, she knew she had made her super evil mark on her.  
>"Yes, that's exactly it." She cried out "Quiver in fear at my evilness! As a princess, I am a expert at anything I try!"<p>

Mokou seemed to be even more in fear after she said that.

She analyzed the situation for a moment and came to a realization.

"Awww you're not fearing at me aren't you, Awwwwwww..."

Tap tap tap...

Hearing the taps and still making her awwww, Kagyua turned around to see her "quirky disposal minions" behind her. Eirin, Reisen, Tewi, and Medicine all standing behind her, with Eirin tapping her foot HARSHLY.

"-wwwwwAWWWWWWWW... I-Am-So-Busted"

Indeed, The girls were busted.

Kagyua clenched her chest.

Most responsible thing to do when you destroy the home you and your friends is to apologize. And Kagyua quickly knew the best course of action to take.

"Ack Foxdie!"

By which we mean the dumbest.

Kagyua held onto her chest in fake pain, "Ahhh, it killed me" she muttered before taking a fake fall to the ground, landing on her side and pretending to stop moving.

The immortal played dead.

"..."

"..."

"..."

It didn't take.

* * *

><p>Not two, but one timeskip later...<p>

* * *

><p>Mokou and Kagyua were rubbing the bruises on their heads.<br>One might ask how immortals could get lasting bruises... But once again, in Gensokyo common sense only holds you back.

Eirin knew that quite well. Despite being ungodly smart and ungodly ol-well versed in the world she knew the way the world worked quite well.

She had left Reisen and Tewi to scold the girls while she took care of surveying the damage she was soon going to be responsible for paying for.

Tewi had no desire to learn how to do a budget, her apprentice Reisen knew very little on dealing with budgets, and Kagyua strangely enough was very good at budgeting, but refused to give up buying her expensive fun stuff.  
>Medicine was a hopeful case, but she needed more tutoring.<p>

Eirin, leaving the princess scolding duties to the bunnies walked up to the massive hole that was in their roof.  
>Skylights were not her thing. People could look through them. Like that Tengu.<p>

Eirin sighed once again. It was going to take forever to fix up the roof, once again. It was worse then that time Kagyua had pretended to be a superhero.

_"Princess, please stop this!"  
><em>_"I'm not your princess. I'm POWER PRINCESS! DEFENDER OF GENSOKYO! BUT I CANNOT STAY MY LUNAR MEDIC FRIEND, MY PUBLIC NEEDS ME! UP UP AND AWAY!"  
><em>_"Princess! Please...  
><em>_...again?...why can't you just use the door like normal people..."_

They were fixing the same spot for weeks on end.

If this was going to continue...

Eirin began running the costs of how much time and man power, and the contracting fees to hire some construction youkai to fix it for her.  
>Never again would she trust Tewi in a mustache and a construction hat saying they'll Get-R-Done.<br>Eirin shook her head. Never again, never again.

"THEN JUST GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE!" Reisen said with a loud exclamation.

Eirin's eyes cracked open with terror, breaking her away from her train of thought.

Eirin's mind began to think _"Did she just-"_

"PRINCESS! Just go someone else and play your own Metal Gear game! You're destroying the house and driving us crazy!"

Eirin's jaw unhinged. _"NO! NO YOU FOOL! DON'T GIVE HER THAT IDEA. IF SHE-"_

"I LOVE IT!" Kagyua exclaimed with joy, the idea now forever unfixable. The coming disaster now starting.

"That's a great idea!" the super psyched Mokou then said. "We can go into Gensokyo and play our game there."

Both girls turned to each other with their eyes lit up.

"Wait, where are we going to play over there. Thanks to a certain someone" Kagyua said, clearly referencing someone "we can't play here."

Mokou knew the answer to that was easy. "Then it's simple! We find someplace else to play. And by that, I mean I'll find it and you be Snake this time."

"Aww, why do you have to be Liquid? I wanna be the villain" Protested Kagyua

"Oh, you're saying you're not good enough to be solid snake? I thought you said you were a expert at anything you do" Declared Mokou

Eirin noticed Mokou's play.

"Of course I am. I could totally do it and kick your butt twenty times over!" She said with gusto.

_"Playing off the princess's pride to make her do what she wants. She knows her well."_ Noted Eirin

Mokou tossed the bandanna Kagyua's way. "Then you won't have any problems with me being Liquid this time around."

Catching it Kagyua, made a pout that any man would love before accepting the bandanna. "Alright, you win, go gather your allies and base and send me a message to come. Me and my support team can totally kick you can any day."

By which she meant everyone in the room with her.

Eirin and Tewi sighed. Like it or not, they were going to get dragged into this madness one way or another.

But Eirin's patience with the matter had run thin. Not only had she spent days exposed in the outside world, gotten assaulted by Otakus, gotten poisoned by Medicine, getting blow up, having her roof blown up, and now she was being dragged into a game that will clearly interrupt her Science time.

That...That was too far.

"So, you girls are good?" Eirin rhetorically asked the girls in a harsh passive aggressive tone, getting in Mokou's personal space. "Mokou-chan, thank you for all of your help today. You've truly made this day one I'll never forget. Thank you for helping us in every single way that we needed your help." She said harshly to the girl, her eyes glaring like death itself to the immortal phoenix girl

Somehow, Eirin wasn't sure if Mokou got the point. But at this point, she no longer cared. "Tewi, can you show her the door?"

Tewi held up the Anti-Mokou Laser, poking it right at Mokou's side with evil slasher's smile.

"With gusto" She said lifting it up momentarily like a action charging up the gun and pulling the trigger before Mokou went What?

With a loud bang, the railgun worked perfectly in Tewi's hands, firing a single yet powerful blast, the shot knocking Mokou off her feet and carrying her off into the sky. Reaching it's zenith, the shot exploded far off into the sky into a beautiful danmaku firework

Mokou had left the building.  
>And would have left the mortal world, if it wasn't for that pesky immortality potion she drank.<br>Kagyua, strangely enough wasn't phased at seeing this. Instead, she turned and waved. "Bye Mokou! I"ll Kill you later!" she said to her "friendly" eternal "enemy".

As Mokou left, there was a moment of peace and calm for a minute or two.

Eirin darted a evil look at her appendence. Reisen knew somehow, the next few days were going to be very, very painful for her.

Before the totur-experi-apprentice time could happen, Kagyua interjected. "By the way, what happened to you girls on the way back, it seemed like your clothes are all swarmed or something."

Unable to resist, she reached and grabbed one of Reisen's bunny ears to pet it.

Poked Kagyua "What happened?"

Reisen's ears being grabbed, memories shoot back to into the poor bunny youkai, her body began trembling and suddenly sending Reisen into a traumatic fervor

_"OHMYGOSH! BUNNY COSPLAYER!"  
><em>_"SHE LOOKS SO REAL! EVERYONE, COME QUICK!"  
><em>_"DUDE I GOTTA TAKE A PICTURE WITH HER!"  
><em>_"Hey! Wait! Get off me! Hey! AHHHH!"_

By the time they knew it, Reisen curled up into a ball, holding herself shivering...

Seeing this made the princess mildly curious.

"What happened to her?"

"Otakus." Tewi answered.

"Ahhh." Kagyua said, "That's why I send you guys."

Medicine looked at the floating little doll fairy besides her.

"Wow Suzu-chan, you were right, Otakus are piranhas..." She whispered to her.

The little floating doll pulled out a sign from nowhere that said "told ya", before she disposed of it as quickly as she acquired it.

With her question answered, Kagyua decided to move on.

"Now if you excuse me, I need to get ready to play my super awesome role as the hero of our game! Medicine, come with me and we'll make my Solid Snake costume."

Medicine lit up for a second  
>"Of c-" She started to say before noticing her Metal Gear loathing comrades.<br>She quickly tried to cover her clearly existing tracks. "urgh, yea fine." She said with fake annoyance as they both left.

With those three now gone from the ruins of the attic, the sane girls of Etenti could now finally have a moment to think.

"Well, at least the crazies are gone..." Tewi said, "Though...the price for it..."

The medic and the earth bunny then looked at Reisen, still curled up in a ball as otaku trauma continued to keep her occupied.

"Wonderful idea there floppy ears." Tewi said.

Eirin on the other hand inspected the bunny shaped hole in the wall. Eirin poked her head through to observe for more damage.

Looking out, she noticed two youkai bunnies clinging to the wall in dear life in full-on stealth mode.

It took them a minute to notice Eirin was there.

"Please don't tell the princess we're here. We don't wanna play anymore..." One of the girls said in a quiet begging tone"

"...those two are crazy..." Chimed in the second hiding bunny.

"Oh...you girls don't need to worry. They're gone" Eirin replied

Both girls Yay'd

"So go clean up this mess"

Both girls Aww'd.

* * *

><p>Walking down the path inside the home which Kagyua just "renovated", Medicine spoke. "Princess, are you sure you can fit in that?"<p>

"Of course I can fit in it. A princess always does! All you need to do is suck it in a bit and anything fits..." she said.

"You just need to suck it in like this!" Kagyua said, grabbing Medicine from behind, giving Medicine's belly a squeeze.

A side effect from being a doll who became a youkai...

"I Wuv you!" Came from Medicine's open mouth uncontrollably, much to her own horror.

...her doll voicebox still worked.

Kagyua's eyes widened. She hadn't found dolls like this since she was on the moon.

She knew what she had to do.

"Hey! Wait! No!" Medicine managed to squeal before Kagyua grabbed her, her immortal body giving her perfect immunity from Medicine's poison as she squeezed the doll youkai like a doll.

"Let's play together!"

"You're my best friend"

Medicine felt like she wanted to pichunn. Her dignity now forever tainted, like a sushi roll fired out of a catapult It would never be the same.

But Medicine made at least one attempt. "...please don't do that again." Medicine said deadpanned.

Two more squeezes and the momentary thrill gone, Kagyua pouted as the alien bird known as logic infiltrated the lunatic princess..."Ok...fine." She said, reluctantly letting go of the doll youkai.

With red cheeks, Medicine re-established her footing on the ground, patted off any dirt off her dress, and now able to regain her dignity...

...for about ten seconds.

Kagyua reached out and re-snatched Medicine. "OkJustOneMoreTime" she said as gave her another big squeeze.

"More catchphrases requires extra catchphrase DLC. Please connect to internet to purchase." said Medicine's mouth.

"..."

"..."

"...what the hell type of doll were you?"

"Expensive, apparently."

* * *

><p>Chapter 2 end.<p>

* * *

><p>I love that Medicine joke.<p>

That was one of the first jokes I came up with when getting to this chapter.

You may wonder why does medicine have one of those voice boxes for dolls, you might wonder how was she built over a hundred years ago with a internet connection.  
>And most importantly, where in the world is that that port is on her?<p>

The answer, the answer is inside you my viewer. You know the answer deep in your heart

With that non-answered, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The ball now is rolling and the damage done thanks to that ridiculous moon bunny will eventually create a incident that will consume all Gensokyo. All her fault, always. Hopefully, her buttmonkyism doesn't cross the line here.

Also, for legalities sake, remember.

Masha Kinoko, Mika, and Midori are all property of the awesome Kimiko Muffin.

Touhou is property of Mr. Zun.

See you next chapter!


End file.
